1. Your entire evening revolves around the goal of putting the kids to bed before the sale starts to wrap up at 8:00 PM…
And if it doesn’t get done, the kids stay up late enough that you can almost guarantee a note coming home from the teacher or a call from the principal the next day.
2. It’s kind of like a game of chess (although I don’t play chess so I’m really just assuming)
Wikipedia.org calls chess a mind sport that includes calculated strategies as well as caution to not make moves too hastily and foresight to look into the future and consider the consequences of our action… all true of an online sale buyer, right!?
3. Watching the sale on your “mobile” phone certainly does not mean you’re capable of being mobile…
You’d think that, since these sales can be watched on your phone, that life would go on even in the midst of a sale. Nope, not at our house… the typical protocol is to be in the house, phone in hand, 3 inches or less distance between your face and the screen, the entire time.
4. The longest 5 minutes of your life
The dreaded refresh… this kind of feels like a time-out for adults. You know the one, the kid forced to sit on a chair in the corner of the room with his head down, agonizing over the time that just doesn’t seem to pass and feels like an eternity
5. When there’s only 1 minute remaining and someone places O-N-E M-O-R-E bid (for the millionth time)
Use your imagination to create your own visual including exuberant hand gestures and sometimes sarcastic or otherwise colorful dialogue.
6. That person who jumps ship from lot to lot desperately trying to get ONE bought
Really!? You did your homework, you checked the breeding, you know the winners from that line four years back and you have your heart set on one lamb and BOOM!!! The guy who has jumped around and thrown bids on lot 2, 5, 7 and 9 just ruined your entire night by out bidding you on the ONE you wanted!
7. The 4 minute rule…
If you want to squeeze in any additional tasks they must be done in 4 minutes between refreshes (allowing a one minute cushion to ensure enough time to hit the refresh button)
Unload the dishwasher? You’ve got FOUR minutes!
8. Stress eating…
I once ate almost a whole pack of Biscoff cookies in between refreshes simply because I was stressed out (you know, the little cookies you get on Delta airlines flights that now can be purchased in big packs at Wal-Mart… GAME CHANGER) So much for my New Year’s weight loss resolution.
9. Verizon doesn’t have a data plan big enough for these online sales…
I’d be able to afford to buy at least one more sheep if I didn’t have to pay Verizon for all these data overages. Sign me up for the new Livestock Buyers Plan with unlimited data ASAP!
10. Just one more bid, just one more bid, JUST ONE MORE bid…
Another $500 later, on top of what you had originally planned to spend, your family is no longer planning a summer beach vacation. Not that we really would have gone anyway but now the option is totally off the table.
11. The sale closes at 8:00 PM… no really, the sale actually ends at 11:37 PM
It’s kind of like a football game. There are never really just 5 minutes remaining. Insert time outs and flags on the play and POOF!… 25 minutes later we may finally have a winner!
12. Chances are your evening will end with something like, “Honey, can you please go to the bank for me in the morning?”
I have no words for this one.